Question:

I agree with some things in the Qur’ān, but I am puzzled why such a loving and kind God that both our faiths believe in, would allow and even recommend that a man beat his wife some times. Also, I notice there is no mention of a wife being able to discipline her husband. Why is that?

A Christian from Canada

Answer:

Believing that Allah is All-Wise and All-Knowing, we should rather try to understand the reason and logic for this provision, and its extent:

The beating that you have referred to is mentioned in verse 34 of chapter 4 of the Qur’ān:

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard [or protect the husband’s interests in his absence]. As to those women on whose part you [men] fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, then: [first] admonish them, [next] refuse to share their beds, [and lastly] beat them [lightly]. But if they return to obedience seek not against them means [of annoyance]; for Allah is most High, Great [above you all].

1. Read the above carefully and you would find the whole context in which the permission to beat has appeared. The foremost is that God speaks of the family as an organizational unit in which, because of his physical fitness and the fact that he is, legally speaking, the sole bread-earner for the whole family, husband is made protector and maintainer or administrator [Qawwām]. The question to ask is whether any head of a given organization is ever barred of corrective [including punitive] action, if he faces revolt, disloyalty and misconduct?

2. It must also be taken full note of that the Qur’ānic verse, does not give a husband free hand to beat his wife even for a real cause. It suggests three steps. One, to admonish and advise – and that takes some time to do. If that works, the matter is settled. If not, then the second step is to avoid sharing beds with such wives. In most cases that proves effective and the third step is not required. In rare cases, however, the two methods fail. Then the last step suggested is to beat lightly. We say ‘lightly’ because the Prophet himself has made this qualification: wife cannot be slapped on the face, nor on head; nothing can be used to beat that leaves any scar or impression. Thus the purpose of beating is only to express husband’s dislike of wife’s misconduct.

3. Even this Prophetic qualification is based on what is stated in the last words of the verse [4:34], which says that if they [the wives] return to obedience, no further action is then permissible. Then a strong warning is given to men that they must remember that if they unjustly resort to means of annoyance and show of strength, then God Almighty is Most High, Great and Strongest of all to take the wrong-doer to task.

Keeping the above brief explanation in view, one must appreciate the Qur’anic teachings with regard to the issue. Otherwise, who can deny that at times corrective measures become inevitable to maintain discipline and good order. Existence of penal codes, the law and order systems and the institutions of execution and justice globally point to the fact that without some way of discipline, things never work in the human society.