QUESTION:

I am a Muslim woman living in Singapore. My husband and I have been married for 11 years. We have three children aged 9, 6 and 3. My husband is the only son in his family, he has got four elder sisters all of whom are married and well off. We have been living with my mother-in-law all the while because my father-in-law passed away soon after our marriage. My husband took over the family business and has been giving his sisters their share of the profit from the father’s business every year.

The house we are staying is under my husband and in mother-in-law’s name. My husband pays for the monthly installments.

Two of my sisters-in-law, aged 34 and 40 years, are also staying with us. Even though their husbands are earning well and asking them to come and stay with them, they still want to stay here in our house. One sister-in-law has two children aged 24 and 13, respectively. The 24 years old niece is already married but wants to stay here. The other sister-in-law has a 12 years old girl.

There are altogether 12 of us staying under the same roof. My children and I have to confine ourselves to one room because the others have taken over the whole house. If their children are studying in the living room during exam, they will forbid my kids from watching TV the whole day.

Although their husbands are well off, they hardly contribute anything towards the household expenses. My husband pays all the utility bills.

My children are growing up and I feel that we need a place of our own. Now, they do not even have a proper place to study. I have told my husband about this several times and we always end up quarrelling. He says that we should always stay with his mum no matter what. Is this fair? Am I being unreasonable? I know he can afford a house for us. I’m not asking for a big bungalow. Just a place where my children and I can live in peace.

This may sound like a typical family story involving daughter-in-law on one side and mother-in-law and sisters-in-law on the other. But I really do not know what to do. This whole thing is affecting my relationship with my husband. I am feeling depressed most of the time. I have waited patiently for 11 years. Please do not ask me to be patient any more. This is what my husband has been telling me. But for how much longer?

ANSWER:

We understand and fully appreciate the difficult situation you are facing. We also tend to praise your husband’s love for his mother and attachment to your sisters-in-law. All fully regarded, let us say very clearly that you are neither unfair nor un-reasonable. You have every right to demand a separate dwelling, particularly when your husband can afford and therefore he must provide.

On your part, when your husband arranges a separate dwelling for you and your children, please see that you do not make the least attempt to press your husband further to sever his contact with his mother and sisters. You should then happily allow him to do all what he can to keep his mother and sisters happy. You should rather join his efforts then to redress whatever ill feelings would have been created!